didn’t leave


I know this is always hard to hear but I’m only sharing because the question has been asked many, many times.
Why did I stay in such an abusive marriage?
The abuse is easy to disguise for the victim
when they believe love conquers all.
When they are gullible. Trusting.
When they are told no one else could
put up with them or love them.
On repeat for years.
That’s why I didn’t leave.
I’m autistic. I’m naive.  I’m a lover.
I can get so hurt so easily.
When I can only believe what is placed in front of me.
I didn’t tell anyone of the horrors
when they were happening to me…
Because I believed things always get better…
Because I lived a life that was always filled with hope.
A  life of shelter. A life of love.
A  life that everything always gets better.
And because I know badness when I see it.
I would of told anyone to run fast from that darkness…
But I didn’t want to be told that.
I thought the dark would turned to light one day.
I thought love could change him.
That’s why I stayed.

I don’t know why but I’ve been thinking of random bad things that have happened to be in the past.
I remember when I found out my ex-husband would have sex in the kitchen next to my work computer
with the lady that he ended up replacing me with.
They could see me from the kitchen while they did their lewd things.
I had my headphones on while playing Dragon Age…
I was just happy to replay a game that always made me feel at peace.